Research leads to laughter!

Anyone who knows me, knows I am not a fan of country music, so, when I needed the title of a country music song to be playing a scene in my book and came across this list...I realized why!

I've highlighted some of my favorites!

The Best Of The Worst Country-western Song Titles
1 - Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life
2 - Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed
3 - Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
4 - Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
5 - How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
6 - How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?
7 - I Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral
8 - I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
9 - I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
10 - I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
11 - I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.
12 - I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
13 - I Wanna Whip Your Cow
14 - I Would Have Writ You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!
15 - I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
16 - I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy
17 - I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
18 - I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised
19 - I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
20 - I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line
21 - If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
22 - If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
23 - If My Nose Were Full Of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
24 - If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will
25 - If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
26 - Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
27 - My Every Day Silver Is Plastic
28 - My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus
29 - My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
30 - My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
31 - Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You
32 - Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill
33 - She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft
34 - She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
35 - She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
36 - She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty
37 - Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone
38 - They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out
39 - Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
40 - When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In
41 - You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too
42 - You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
43 - You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
44 - You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life
45 - You're The Reason Our Baby's So Ugly
46 - I Married Her Just Because She Looks Like You
47 - My Tears Have Washed "I Love You" Off The Blackboard Of My Heart
48 - Don't Cry On My Shoulders 'Cause You're Rustin' My Spurs
49 - I Can't Love Your Body If Your Heart's Not In It
50 - I Wish I Were In Dixie Tonight, But She's Out Of Town
51 - I'll Get Over You As Soon As You Get Out From Under Him
52 - I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home
53 - I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like Having You Here
54 - If She Puts Lipstick On My Dipstick I'll Fall In Love
55 - It Takes Me All Night Long To Do What I Used To Do All Night Long
56 - Learning To Live Again Is Killing Me
57 - Please Bypass This Heart
58 - She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without
59 - Do You Love As Good As You Look?
60 - I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
61 - I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised
62 - If You Don't Believe I Love You Just Ask My Wife
63 - Timber, I'm Falling in Love
64 - You're the First Time I Thought About Leaving
65 - Love Will Beat Your Brains Out
66 - Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart
67 - It Ain't Love but It Ain't Bad
68 - The Pint of No Return
69 - This Time I'm Gonna Beat You to the Truck
70 - Hell Stays Open All Night
71 - I'd Be Better Off in a Pine Box
72 - I've Got You on My Conscience But At Least You're Off My Back
73 - Bridge Washed Out, I Can't Swim and My Baby's on the Other Side
74 - The Worst You Ever Gave Me Was the Best I Ever Had
75 - She Even Woke Me Up to Say Goodbye
76 - We Used to Just Kiss on the Lips But Now It's All Over
77 - If You Keep Checking Up on Me (I'm Checking Out on You)
78 - It Don't Hurt Half as Bad as Holding You Feels Good
79 - If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You
80 - She Feels Like A New Man Tonight
81 - The Last Word In Lonesome Is "me"
82 - When We Get Back To the Farm (That's When We Really Go To Town
83 - You Stuck My Heart In a Old Tin Can and Shot It Off a Log
84 - He's Been Drunk Since His Wife's Gone Punk
85.  I Bought the Boots That Just Walked Out On Me
86 - Ever Since I Said "I Do," There's a Lot of Things You Don't
87 - The Next Time You Throw That Fryin' Pan, My Face Ain't Gonna Be There
88 - I Don't Know Whether to Come Home or Go Crazy
89 - If You Can't Feel It (It Ain't There)
90 - Her Body Couldn't Keep You Off My Mind
91 - I Got In At 2 With A 10 And Woke Up At 10 With A 2
92 - I Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except Mine
93 - I Just Bought A Car From The Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run So I Figure We Got An Even Deal
94 - I Knew I'd Hit Rock Bottom When I Woke Up On Top Of You
95 - I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well
96 - I Meant Every Word That He Said
97 - I'm Not Married But The Wife Is
98 - If Whiskey Were A Woman I'd Be Married For Sure
99 - Out Of My Head And Back In My Bed
100 - Swing Wide Your Gate Of Love
101 - Tennis Must Be Your Racket 'Cause Love Means Nothin' To You
102 - What Made Milwaukee Famous (Has Made a Loser Out of Me)
103 - Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?

What's your favorite?

Just so we all can appreciate A LITTLE country - here's one I actually do like!


  1. I just wanted to say "hi" after seeing you over at my blog today. Thanks for stopping by for Laura's post. She's awesome isn't she. :)

  2. Are all of those legitimate country songs? If they are... then I'm kind of weirded out by your findings! Haha!


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